Dave: "I didn't beat anyone. I touched a woman. I just..."
Chuck (John Turturo): "Liar, bullbleepter, you're a woman beater! And you can't admit it because you're a deluded piece of garbage."
Dave: "I don' know about all that but, now I understand why you're here."
Chuck: "I'm here because I was verbally attacked by my neighbor, and I took a dump on his porch."